i really wanna kill someone so bad. like the urge is killing me from inside. not just anyone, i have a person(s) i want to kill. i have pent up anger and negative emotions for that person. earlier i these momentary emotions would go away, i used to cope with imagining killing that person(s) in a gory way, that would relieve me and stop the tears. if anyone saw the tears, they would ask me what's wrong and that would be more complicated to explain and would come across judgement from the other person. recently, it seems to me that i have found a more instant coping mechanism - self harm (i don't wanna kms). it calms the monster the moment i dig my nails hard in my skin or stab with the tip of pen. it's like a drug at this point. i am thinking of turning to cutter now. i really wanna stop this, i wanna believe this is not me. the thing is the person(s) that trigger these negative emotions lives in my home. i wanna move out asap. i guess i wont be able to move out until next year.