i think since the age of 8 or 9 i understood that i didn’t like myself and i didn’t like the way that i was living. so every day from then on i told myself that the next day would be different, that if i willed it hard enough i could magically become the person i wanted to be. since then it’s been nearly ten years of telling myself daily that the next day can be different. constantly believing in the ability to change and chasing after it like a fucking idiot i feel like shit when i think about how young i was, thinking that by the time i was this age i would’ve completely transformed. the last few years of my life now have passed me by and still nothing has happened and i doubt anything will. it’s so pathetic to talk about my life as if i have no agency over it. i know i do. i think everyone i know is confused on why i complain so much but never fix anything. i’m confused too, okay?? i’m so confused i don’t understand. i don’t know anything about myself