i feels jealous over my friends, its like we opening a certain same shop, same dish, but well different signature and detail though. they shop is really did well while me so dessert. It feels like me a loser here, i want to taste it too, how it feels to taste some ripe fruit from my hardwork. i want to taste it too, some congratulations, some wins, some attentions. i am alive here why no one consider me even once? i want to make them feels jealous too just like me, that make their heart burn. But they are my friends, my best friends. idk if they consider me one too. But it feels like im the problem im the mistake. i... so frusrating. i cant even tell em how im feels, i can even tell how am i, no one ask, i want to be heard too, im tired. Oh God if i can destroy one things from me i want to destroy this feeling. it feels i unworthy for beng a human. Forgive me everyone. it just tiring when you cant shared your thought. im such a failure, am i?