I am tierd of life. I constantly think about suicide and i cant even stop it. I have even planned it i have thought attleast three methods. Jumping from a building we have in this city. Drowning myself in a ship dock we have here. My favourite one wich i have no tools for. Sitting on beach at morning looking at sunshine and putting a bullet throught my brains. Leaving my phone open on my lap with a message. Goodbyes for everyone. I calculated chances what happens if i die or not. 33% chance i end up in somewhere better. 33% chance things end up worse. 33% chance things end up being similiar than they allready are. Being alive gives those same chances everyday. How ever. Im tierd. So tierd of trying and burning out again and again knowing how weak i am and how nothing chances for better. I tried therapists medications hobbies. I worked out for a while. I ended up walking front of a car 3 times in Less than a year. Because i got burnt out. I just tried to live normal life.