Feeling the need to exist is worse than feeling free to die. Was a-ok with dying for ages, but no, now I need to be here because come to find out, I am not the only one in my scrambled egg brain. I cant just kill us all so now I am just misrable. I will keep walking and trying until I snap or I grow old and wonder what any of it was for. I am kind of pissed when I see people say they are lonley, that is just because I am bitter about the fact I am alone. There's a difference between lonley and isolated. Been years since I spoke to another person and I am honestly terrified of people. If a someone tried to befriend me I would probably run instead of attempt it. I am trying so hard to live but its only a matter of weeks before I wakeup in a hospital with no idea how I got there. I wish I could go back to not knowing I had DID so i could kms without the guilty conscience of taking out a happy go lucky 6 yo with me. I am so fucking tired I want to rest. I hate that life means something now