i dontc are about my life anymore, i dont feel concerned about if i live or if i die and i dont want to speak to anyone at all because i dont ha ve abybody in my life who cares. i have alreayd tried, i got 4 therapists, went to a mental hospital again and im doing worse now than i ever have. i have always thought "im too scared to end it, i dont want to die, i just want the pain to go away" but at this point, i genuinely do just want to die, i dont want to end hhe pain i want to genuinely just die perminantly and forever. i dont want to experience life,m i ha ve genuinrly nothing ahead of me, nobody that actually cares about me and i feel backed into a corner. theres train tracks near my hme, loaded guns unlocked and i have so many medications that are overflowing in their bottles.. im n ot sure what im waiting for anymore, i guess its just my bodys self prservation instinct.. i ijust want to be happy and bbe loved , i wish someone would love mme enough to help me.