I am in love with my best friend. They are male. So am I. They are straight and I am gay. It will never happen. I will never tell them. But I hope.i still have hope. I shouldn't hope. But me amd him are so close and we are at the point of friends where I fan casually touch hus head and shoulders and it will be normal. I wish I could just be alone with him. And have the courage to confess my love. But I won't. I never will. I know I'm a coward. And I know I used to have a perfect life but it all got ripped to shreds. I'm impressed that I'm alive. That I haven't freezed it all and turned it off like a TV channel. I don't understand. If my life were a building, it would be a crumbling skyscraper. Hanging on by the merest. I feel that I am falling. Sinking into abyss of my sadness. I miss being a child. No worries. I had friends. I had it all. But then I began stress eating after a traumatic event. Then my mother got sick. Then my father left. Then my old best friend left. I say no more.