Meh, I think at this point I'm always gonna be suicidal and depressed until the day I do snap and kill myself. I've been on a "healing journey" for years now and still no signs of going back to the mental health I had before I hit puberty. My life has been ruined since my teen years and I wish I would've cherished my childhood more instead of coast through it. At least those were days where I could say I was truly happy.