Entry 1: It feels like I’m already gone. And so is everything else. That’s okay though, I don’t hate that. I can’t sleep anymore. I just can’t seem to fall asleep. My eyes are so heavy but no matter how long I keep them closed I won’t sleep. It’s been getting worse and worse. I’ve been doing what I’m supposed to do, dimming the lights, putting the phone away, etc. This has been going on for maybe two weeks now. It’s okay though. I haven’t slept more than 3 hours in the past 2 days I don’t think. Stuff like melatonin doesn’t help. I’m doing kind things which makes me happy even if I feel deeply compelled to do bad things in my heart. Sometimes I think I might be too kind? Too generous? But I’m not kind enough where it really counts so maybe I’m just wasting my time. I wish I had the ability to do everything. My fyp was filled with scary videos for some reason today. I saw a guy get hit by a train. It made me scared. I didn’t like that. I feel so alien compared to others.