why tf cant i be better at the shit i like, no matter how much hard work i put in, no matter how many hours i waste, i just fucking can't that ive hated myself for it, ive been doing this shit over and over and over and over thinking i would get better, but no, im still stuck at that fucking stage where i was, no matter how hard i try i just fucking can't, at first i wanted to be the best, but now i think its impossible, so atleast ill be decent, but being decent feels like an impossible goal too. I dont want to hear none of that bullshit "just enjoy", do you think i would spend all those hours to "just enjoy", fuck everything, this was the only thing that is able to make me feel joy, but to see i have made no progress ever since childhood makes me feel so worthless, and i keep seeing that pattern over and over again, that maybe its true.