I feel like every school year is just a repeat. New faces, new lessons, some years harder than others. But it all starts and ends the same: “this is a chance to grow. A chance to change and be better.” And the endings always like a crisis about whether or not I matter. I want to be better. I just don’t know how to change. I guess I did change, I just don’t know how much. I realized I’m gay, or at least not straight. I realized what I really wanted. I stopped planning for the worst, and stopped caring as much about revolutions, because why should a 13 year old protest? But I’m still disappointed with myself. I haven’t changed much. I’m still here. In this shit hole country. I want to go and try new things, apparently that’s what keeps you from being miserable, but vacations aren’t enough, and it feels selfish to say that. I know not all people get that. I think I might just want to move and get outta here. Maybe for just a month or two. Maybe longer than a year.