For the past 2 years or so, I felt so trapped and so hopeless because I was so sick of everything being hypersexualised and I felt like as a man I would never find a girlfriend because I wasn't hyper masculine or super sexual or kinky. But recently, I don't know, I feel so free and confident about myself. I'm still not quite sure what happened, but I feel like I've realised that there is a version of love left for me that I want. For the first time ever, I feel free enough to express my romantic love and I feel a strange sense of hope that what I want from a relationship does actually exist in the world. I want to hold onto this feeling of dreamy, child-like romantic love and never let go. But the problem is, I'm scared I might go back to my mental state from before, I'm so so scared that I might subconsciously revert and I've never prayed harder that I don't go back to that earlier mental state now that I've felt something so amazing.