There’s a constant feeling I’ve been looking for all my life. My therapist said it’s not possible anymore. I want to feel the unconditional love I never got from my parents. I grew up having to earn love, to prove I was worthy of it. It’s ingrained me. It’s hard for me to ask for help, it sickens me. Because I fear that it would have a condition or added to some imaginary point system to be used in the future. I just want to feel loved or considered without having to ask for it. For someone to willingly care or ask how I am or help just because they want to and not because there’s a condition for it to be returned. I know this doesn’t exist anymore when we’re adults. Because we have to give and take and it’s only fair. But I long to find the kind of relationship where I don’t need to evaluate how much love I should give someone. It feels like a disrespect to myself if I give too much but get little. I would unconditionally love, if it didn’t hurt to feel conditionally loved.