i think i'm going to die young and by my own hand. i can't talk to people. i can't do basic tasks. i can't focus for more than 1 minute on something i don't care about. i care about extremely few things, and not strongly enough to really call it a passion. i can't do things i don't want to. i'm kind of just rotting. i don't know if i'll be able to do it when the time comes, though. the past two times i tried i walked away unscathed because i was so terrified of the pain that comes with dying. the chance i'd wake up in a hospital bed with furious parents ready to abuse and bully me. i just want to be done with all of this already. everything would be so much easier if i hadn't been born in the first place. or if suicidal people had a right to government-assisted euthanizations, but that's probably never going to happen