I'm going to stay up till 4 in the morning, even though I know I have to wake up early tomorrow. Why? Because tomorrow is results day, the big day where my life gets decided for me. I'm not the one getting my results, but my sister is. She's worked so hard, and whatever she gets will affect how our family functions for the next few months. I'm scared because it's a turning point, which I am scared of. I hate change. I hate the fact that things change. I hate having to make decisions, because I hate having to live. I wish that I could just live carrying out someone's instructions, and I wouldn't have to think these horrible thoughts of emptiness. I'm staying up to enjoy my freedom, to enjoy a little time to myself before I have to emerge into the world. Tomorrow, I have to pretend to smile, to be smart, to be happy. I hate myself, and I hate all of this meaningless nonsense. Anyways, the solar eclipse was nice, I guess.