Last thing I'm saying, perspective is easy enough to shift but no amount of effort is ever going to lead to finding. Without outing myself, there's a few separate occassions where I gave up a lot of time to try and help in projects only to have fuck all people want me around. If anything it led to another case where i was just forgotten about. The only thing I've learned in what's probably half a lifetime is no-one gives a fuck unless you somehow convince people you're special and between dealing with elitist douchebags, pretentious self absorbed asshats and those types, all I have to show for it is a bubbling amount of hate that I'm getting more and more angered suppressing so if all I can do is scream out into a void (which that itself is becoming harder to do as I dont have money to buy myself a bunch of sheep to whine to like some people). I just want to vent where I can. Perspective can't fix facts and facts is I'm worthless. So the only thing I can do is wait for something...