It’s just I feel like anything and everything I do just ends up disappointing me and others who are in my life. I always ruin what’s going good for me in life. I’m so envious and so jealous of others who have it so easy in life. Like their popular, their pretty, their happy and they are doing well mentally, they are skinny and have such wonderful lives with such amazing families who are there for them every step. I’m struggling so bad right now. I’ve lost so many friends and it hurts to have that feeling that they are going to leave. I’m pretty sure my friends I have left are tierd of me and are going to leave me too. I just wish I could be normal. I just wish I could be skinny and pretty and have mental health that doesn’t suck everything from you until you’re an empty shell. I wish I was someone else, I wish I wasn’t me. I’m so alone. I feel so. Disgusted in myself for everything I have done up till this moment. I hate myself so much. Idk why I stay. I wish I could just not be me.