im saying all of this here because i can't say this stuff in reality because it would mess everything up i just feel like half the time in talking to you you would rather be doing anything else. one word answers, or responding to my texts with emojis only, i show excitement and you (and i know you don't mean to) kill it by acting like it's not a huge deal. Maybe im just too much for you, maybe you need someone more your speed. and then im an asshole because i get frustrated or hurt and say things i shouldn't, and that makes me feel worse. but even then you don't ever get upset with me and sometimes it makes me feel like you only feel neutral towards me. it feels like I'm putting in so much effort for these 4 years for us to stay together but do you even want to anymore? am i just a familiarity? it feels like if i didn't talk to you, you'd just never speak to me sometimes, and be perfectly okay with it. I'm so tired of feeling like the bad guy just for wanting to feel wanted, i guess.