I've always been uncertain of what or who I am, I know I am a biological female but it always felt wrong. I wouldn't say I was conditioned this way but growing up, I was a tomboy and called a 'son', that felt good. Overtime, I developed internalized misogyny because I hated being a girl so much that I didn't understand when another girl felt comfortable in her own skin. Then I met my trans friend, he was happy as himself and I was a bit envious of that. How could someone understand themself so easily? I don't hate being a girl but if I could choose being a boy, I would be... Dressing feminine feels amazing but I'm insecure of my body, dressing tom-boyish is comfortable and easy. Maybe I just hate going by she/her because I heard it all my life, I just like it when called He/They, it's nice... But at times, I really love being a girl. Gender is too hard for me to understand anymore.