I’m so mentally messed up that I rely on online connections to make myself feel good, but it’s actually ruining my mental health. My ex-girlfriend traumatised me. We shared a great bond and we loved each other so much until she started getting random episodes of her childhood trauma due to her abusive mom. This messed me up mentally and since then I’ve developed extreme avoidance syndrome. It’s like, I crave intimacy but only from a distance. I stopped going to work for weeks after she said bizarre things just to keep me around. When I opened up about this to my dad, he beat me to a pulp and told me to man up. I hated that man. I can’t believe I opened up to him when he’s been lying to my mother and sleeping around with multiple women for his own interests. I have no one to talk to. I feel lonely. My guy friends hate me because I’ve isolated myself. My social life is a mess and I barely have any friends. I feel extremely suicidal :(((