I'm so sick of being alone. I'm sick of watching other people all happy with their friends. I'm sick of sitting by myself and being unable to do anything else. I'm trapped in my own house. Existence is too exhausting for me to do anything else. Leaving my house pushes me to the very brink. It's absolutely draining. But sometimes it feels like I shouldn't even try to make friends again. Every single close friend I've had has given me some kind of trauma. And I don't want to get hurt again. But I'm convinced that I will. I swear, everyone sucks. Especially when you're disabled. No one has any empathy for your struggles. You basically have two choices. Try to befriend people and get traumatized again. Or, stay alone in your house forever. The worst part about those two options, is the fact that a part of me craves the trauma. I just want to feel anything from anyone. I'm so close to willingly letting others take advantage of me again. But until then, I'm stuck in my house. Rotting away.