Rant #12134

I want to try to end it before school, but I’m just so scared of what happens after I die, will it be all black? Will I turn into a ghost and roam the same place? Will I go to hell? I don’t want to be just another person who died, I want to be dead but the thought of not being able to control my alive body anymore scares me, will I turn mindless and my existence just ends there?