I dont even know where to start. I just finished a 3 month php and I dont think I've healed one bit. I need to do actual trauma work very very very badly. I've been through so much in my life. Recently I've been ignoring it on accident, I've just stopped thinking about the past. But it was behind me all along. My mother and father are both messes. My mom had me at 17. She had severe mental health. My father was 21. Sick. I dont know who he was then but I can only assume he was the same narcissistic alcoholic abuser! My entire life i was constantly moving, being around physical emotional and verbal abuse, being verbally and emotionally abused, and having undiagnosed high masking autism. At 13 after I lived that way for my entire life my mom and dad split and I went with my mom. We lived with my aunt for a year till she left me for drugs and a man! Life's been a roller-coaster of trying to heal and causing new wounds because of it since then. My trauma is genuinely the wiring of my brain