I’m having trouble seeing my SO as a “relationship” because of their suicidal past. TW: don’t read if suicide Okay so typing that doesn’t make much sense, but simply put: my SO has had a history of bad mental health, from SH to suicide I’ve been there for it all. I’m not new to these kinds of problems in people, the problem is the disassociation. In a way, I start to see people I help in a way as they are a job to me, something to fix or take care of. I think I do it to protect myself emotionally and focus on the goal. And it’s been hard with my SO. One of my biggest fears going into a relationship is this isolation happening, but unfortunately one thing lead to another. It was a hurtful time and so so exhausting, but now I can’t help but look at them and get almost a flashback of what happened. They say I’m cold and distant, that they miss who I was at that time. But I can’t tell them that it’s because of the “protocol” that I can’t go back, it’s too much and I wish I knew what to do.