I think life is a beautiful continuous thing. Every day I revel in the glory of it, the sun, the moon, the stars that sparkle in the sky, the warmth on my skin. Within all of me is this slow building dread. I'm spoiled rotten, and I'm physically attractive to others, I'm accomplished to be honest. But as I've grown (largely raising myself, because while my parents were there, they really didn't give a shit about me beyond appearances). I was sa'd by my brother, which my parents claimed to be "neutral" about despite it having gone on for 3 years, "punishments", "lust", "men don't knew better". I've learned that this incel, or honestly the best way to describe him is a, "Hikikomori". I can get awards, speeches congratulating me, endless compliments. But in the end, my brother is always the shining star, always the better one that my parents beg to come out. All while I'm just the useless girl in the corner to take their anger out on or taught that I do not matter as a woman. It hurts.