I keep telling people I'm over wanting to kill myself but I think about it every day. I want to disappear. All I do is make life harder for those around me and genuinely my parents would have a better life if I wasn't around. What makes things worse is that I have such a weird relationship with my parents. They were like emotionally and sometimes physically abusive until the beginning of high school. I love them, but they also the cause of a lot of my trauma. It's so weird. Like I would hang out with them now, willingly, and have a great time but wdym you were the reason i didn't sing for like seven years nor buy books for a couple too?? I haven't reached out to any of my friends because I don't want to ruin their perception of me and i feel bad talking bad about my parents. Their problems are also so much worse. I just don't know what to do.