how the fuck do people believe in god? my 17 year old sister killed herself believing in god, writing and begging for him just days beforehand. but yet my mother says that she’s come to terms that he needed her more than we did. that’s fucking insane. i don’t think i could bring myself to worship a god that lets a girl go through something like that. god’s plan but he planned for her to go to hell? because according to him anyone that kills themselves are deemed selfish and go to perish in hell. okay but he loves her unconditionally. this shit is stupid and i hate everyone in my life for believing so blindly. and i hate myself for feeling so ashamed about not believing. every religious thing ive done was for my mother. to please her to make her happy. if i ever get the courage to tell her. i better not be called selfish. pretending to believe in god my whole life was the most selfless thing ive ever done. enduring years of torture in mass, feeling gross, disgusting, numb, stupid.