My dad keeps saying we'd be better off with him dead, and he keeps saying he should kill himself and he references to shooting himself all the time. I'm so worried about him, but a part of me would be happy if he died. All he does is get mad at me and my mum. I love him and I feel disgusting for thinking that, but when my dad isn't around and it's just me and my mum life is so much better and I dread him returning. I know he is messed up. I know it's mental health. But he knows it to and does nothing to fix it. He talks about killing himself in front of his child. How could he? How could he use his trauma to hurt me? Why won't he get help? He always tells me I should go to a therapist, but he won't?!? Maybe he should just die, but then I'd feel guilty for having wished it if he did. I don't know how to feel anymore.