Sometimes all I think of is my ex. We split a couple months ago and since then I find myself holding back tears at random times but I'm in a crammed house so it's not like I can cry. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this whole relationship thing. I've been procrastinating on learning myself more and I should do it now but I'd rather suffer. Maybe not because I deserve it, but I don't have anything else going on. I'm not sure if I could live after getting better. The world continues to spin, I guess. Maybe I can accept being lonely forever and just hold onto something to scrape by. I have 2 (semi) wonderful cats. I have my mother, as much as I'm not a fan of her, and someone has to take care of her. (There is something kind of funny about wanting to suffer more and then suffering more and never being sick enough. I mean, you have to squint and tilt your head but it's there. Maybe I'm just a little morbid or something.)