if they had the chance to see me again.. if they all had a chance to start over. Would they do anything different? Would they not hit me? Would they hug me? If I was just a little less annoying.. if I was just a little more cute.. if I was a good kid.. if I wasn’t a monster.. would they change their minds? Sometimes I wonder what a normal childhood looks like. I wonder what it’s like to not be paranoid and anxious and looking across my shoulder when someone stands behind me. What was it like to be a child that didn’t constantly lose hair.. didn’t constantly rip their nails off.. didn’t constantly cry like a fucking loser? It looks like heaven. I would do anything. I would kill myself over and over and over just to live a regular life. Sometimes I wonder why I am still alive