This is serious. I will explain- This is not safe or comforting. I'm silly about a lot of the things I say. I've wanted to laugh and be happy. I want people to laugh and be happy with me. Years ago that was common enough for me. I was still diagnosed with depression and ptsd. I realized people cared about me when they were scared that I had blacked out from drinking or the paramedics would take me to the hospital. I was enlisted in the millitary. I've killed people and I like violence. I don't feel fulfilled from sex because I leave the women I have sex with or they leave me. I'm not so upset by that. It just feels empty. I have loved some women for the sex and their care but when I've killed people I know that I don't have to worry about preforming the actions again with them. They're dead. I know people often see me as a monster if they know me. I hide who I really am because I want to have friends again. Most of my old friends are lost to me or were killed.