iam pretending like lifes fine , its not oh god its sooo not . iam trying to act like all this is not happening but it is . soo many too manyt thing happend , i dont know how to process them at all . oh god its like hits from all four sides , its terrible . worse of it all is that i cant cry also . it feels shit the way youre fucking breaking apart but still cant shed no tears . Way too young to go through all this . dad ; who used to drink and the hate i had for him , but now hes getting better , but the guilt thats eating me rn is terrrible , i sooo feel like its because of me tahtthis is happening . and stress, iam sooo stressed . i cant . and then theres him, the love of my life , or so i thought . ugh. had to take 4 preganncy test in 1 year , iam 19 for gods sake . the fear , the stress , its all eating me alive. and now , he wantts nothing to do with me, haha . his words ? i have a life to build , and youre not part of it , so please stay away from me . i said "ok" .