Why am I so afraid to explore my interests? Why do I keep standing in the way of my own happiness? The random idea of presenting myself more femininely (as a man) crossed my mind earlier this week, and instead of embracing this new, interesting part of me to explore, I've spent days in a loop, obsessively looking up questions, reading experiences of trans and other non-gender-conforming people, ruminating on it for hours a day, and feeling SCARED to proceed, as if I need to be 100% certain this fits before I try anything. And this is not the first time I've been stuck thinking like this over a change in my life. Is my fault for being a perfectionist, overthinking idiot who is afraid of embarrassing himself in front of others? Or has society ingrained this need to feel "normal" in me by vilifying anyone deemed "weird" and turning topics like gender into cutthroat political issues? And, worst of all, why am I afraid of seeking out therapy, the one thing that might actually help?