I feel filthy. My apartment is covered in energy drink cans, empty cigarette packs, and empty vodka bottles. I can't even get a fucking job because I'm to scared to leave my house. I feel like the second I step outside someone is gonna laugh or say something. I feel like a body stuck in the 2nd to last stage of decay sometimes. I don't even feel anything emotionally or physically. I wanna feel something. Even if it hurts.