This is gonna be a long and probably confusing rant because I don’t know how to express my feelings while making sense if you even care to read them. Anyways, my entire life I have been born in a negative nihilistic family- which in turn, made me a nihilist and negative person. Until I had my independence away from them for 3 months. (I am currently back home with them) Ever since this break my outlook has changed on everything and now I want to be apart of something greater but I do not have the confidence to do so due to the fear of being judged by my family. For example I really really want to get into music. It is my dream to be a singer. To change the world as corny as it sounds. But the fear of figuring it all out is seriously weighing on me. I’ve never thought this way before and now I am conflicted with do I even try? How do I even try? Ugh I don’t know anymore. It’s really making me wonder the meaning of everything. We only live once and I feel like i’m blowing it.