i don't want this. i don't want to take their insults. i don't want to help them. but i can't. i just want to help. i can't say no. the world sucks. i suck. everyone sucks. sometimes i lie on my bed, thinking, what's it like, dying? is it some kind of dark abyss? is it heaven and hell? what does that amount of pain feel like? i keep having dreams of dying lately. i feel like no one would care if i died. but thats not true. i know how much they care. it just sounds fun dying. after all, after i die, i'll no longer be a burden yknow? i'm so tired. i know how useless, dumb and stupid i am. they dont have to rub it in my face, they dont have treat me like a baby. i just wanted t be treated a a friend. as someone they could count on, but in the end i'm just another one of the class freaks for them to mock, OVER, and OVER and OVER again. and you could just say, " you know you can just "not' care??" i can't. i want to make people happy, i overthink about myself and others. ive always been